The Temporium Emporium – Time Travel Products & Services
We are a registered member of:
- Society for Creative Anachronism
- Club for Accurate Chronism
- League of Time Cronies
For a limited spacetime only!
Everything on sale – 5% off – expires yesterday
Prices so low, you’ll think we have space madness:
$1 deposited into a savings account in
1860 1895 1945 1960
Prices do not include sales tax or compound interest
- Visa
- MasterCard
- Amex
- Bitcoin
- SuperBitcoin
- SuperBitcoin+
- DietBitcoin
- Gold Doubloons
- Dilithium Crystals
- Galactic Credits
- SpaceBuXXX
- 100-year-old wine (naturally-aged only)
- present-day cash (no bills larger than $20)
- next week’s lottery numbers
- Canadian nickels
- state quarters that your dad thinks are worth more than 25¢
- signed Picasso paintings
- personal checks
- personal grudges
- portable singularities
- stationary multiplicities
- stationery sets (from literate U.S. presidents only)
- permanent wormholes
- temporary loans
Sorry, we don’t take Discover card
WE’VE GOT IT ALL!
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| 800+ Tees | T-800s |
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| Cafe 80’s | Coffee, eh?? Teas! |
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| Time Bandits | Armpit Spritz |
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| Retrofits | Beer by Schlitz |
      |  |
| Bradley Pitts | Brits Brits Brits |
WE ALSO HAVE:
| ZIGGYS: |
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| SIEGIES: |
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| ANACHRONISTIC MISS PIGGIES: |
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- Regular Hornets – they sting!
- Time Hornets – they gnits!
- Time Gnats – they gnats!
- Time Flies – like an arrow!
- Fruit Flies – like a banana!
- Fruits Fly – an apple a day keeps the Doctor away, if you throw it hard enough!
Parsley, sage, rosemary, many other seasons, turn, turn, turn
Also available: other eras, ages, epochs, periods, terms, & terms for terms
It’s Always Five O’Clock Somewhere – Literally!
(must be 21 years or older to purchase alcohol; must be 22nd century or older to travel through time)
 pangalactic gargle blasters |  gargling galactic Pan blasters |  Captain Morgan Rum from the Caribbean |
 Jack Daniels Whiskey from Tennessee |  Harkness Edwards Wine from Kentucky |  Captain Jack Harkness from the Boeshane Peninsula in the 51st century |
 Screwdrivers from Sonicâ„¢ |  sonic screwdrivers |  quantum wrench holders |
 flat head screwdrivers |  Phillips head screwdrivers |  Prince Philip’s head-on-a-screw Drivers |
 King Charles I’s head-on-a-stick |  King Henry VIII’s head-on-a-ruler |
Hey, Time Cops! Forget ‘fugitive retrieval’,
GET IT RIGHT THE ZEROth TIME!™
with TEMPUS FUGITive Trieval®
Is your job time consuming?
Then you'll need a Chronophage®
Time-Ax Body Spray®
‘It takes a licking, and keeps on sticking!’
Protects against:
- grandfather paradox
- mother-in-law visit
- evil twin from parallel universe
- jealous nephew from perpendicular universe
- creepy uncle from obtuse universe
- flirty cousin from a cute universe